Mike Brady

ok so picture this.... valentine's day 2008.... i had been talking to this one for a few weeks.... we decided to meet and go out. he seemed normal enough... (this was of course before i realized you have to look a little longer sometimes for the "thing" that is wrong with them).... he told me he had recently returned from iraq, was interviewing for a job, had a car, and was waiting on the previous residents to move in to his own apartment. in the interim he was living with his sister. he explained that like me he had been married before... no kids... and down on love just as i was. so i agreed to a date of course! 3/3 (well kind of... i mean the whole living with his sister wasn't ideal but he was..afterall...about to move in to his own apartment) woohoo! i finally did it! yet again i go through act 1 of "getting ready for the date..." followed quickly by act 2 "being nervous about the date..." and top it off with act 3 "dooms day: the date itself"
ACT 1: i'm getting ready for the date when i get a phone call....."nicole... this is your date.... my truck has...*insert some malfunction i have never heard of* and i'm not going to be able to drive tonight..... i'm waiting on my sister to get home and i'll pick you up in her car" ok.... i'm feeling sorry for the guy.... what an awful predicament... i continue getting ready....cue next phone call...."nicole... this is your date again.... my sister is using her car tonight so i'm not gonna be able to drive at all...i'm so sorry... i guess i'm going to have to cancel." NO FREAKING WAY! I HAVE HAD MY HAIR COLORED AND MY EYEBROWS WAXED! I WILL HAVE A DATE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY!!! i'm nearly completely ready by this point and tell him that i'll just come pick him up and we'll continue as planned... he agrees and expresses his deepest sorrow that his vehicle has crashed and burned.
ACT 2: i'm pretty nervous at this point.... i'm worried that this is all a scheme to cancel the date... he is rethinking asking me out.... i should have just let him out of it. after a while i figure that i can't do anything about it now... just go with it....
ACT 3: i get to the house that he has told me is his sister's. he meets me in the driveway....THIS CAN'T BE GOOD. when i get out of my truck he begins to explain that he isn't going to be able to go out exactly. he tells me that he has to stay at his sister's house and has some long drawn out explanation that (because i was so naive) at the time made sense. he told me he had rented some movies and he wanted me to stay and at least chat it up... get to know him... now most of you probably think i'm crazy at this point. the ONLY reason i even considered this was because i graduated with his ex wife... i hadn't seen her in a few years but knew SHE wasn't a nut bag so surely she wouldn't marry one..... as you can guess.... i agreed to stay. while i was following him in the house he started with..."nicole... i've not exactly been completely honest with you...." WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS? IS IT REALLY SUPPOSE TO LIGHTEN THE BLOW? AND SERIOUSLY?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TRUTH?! IN MY EXPERIENCE IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO START WITH THAT! when i heard that statement i started tuning him out... i'm pretty angry with the whole "not completely honest" thing.... it is then that i spot the first one.....a 7 or 8 year old boy.... he is sitting on the couch playing a video game....i suddenly discover i have to "listen" to what he is saying... he is explaining that he does have kids.....the explanation however is overshadowed by the other three kids marching in time to the music of the video game from some back room into the living room. these kids are probably some where around 6, 5, and 3. i suddenly realize that he has just told me that he has 4 kids....OMG! I'M ON A DATE WITH MIKE BRADY! I DON'T MIND DATING SOMEONE WITH KIDS BUT THIS GUY HAS HIS OWN READY-MADE SWEAT SHOP! at this time in my life i was still thinking i never wanted children.... i guess we all go thru that.... i feel myself start to hyperventilate.. my head is spinning... i feel dizzy... fast forward to a year later when i have to tell my mother i'm engaged and she's about to go from 3 kids to 4 grandkids! no thanks! so i'm trying to figure out what exactly to do about this situation as i figure it is considered pretty rude to run out the door as soon as you walk in... not to mention i didn't want to scare the partridge family. he told me i could pick the movie. i was handed a selection of 3 disney classics to "watch with the kids..." HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY NICOLE! THIS IS JUST WHAT YOU GET... WHY DO YOU FEEL SORRY FOR PEOPLE BEING DOWN ON THEIR LUCK.... 4 KIDS! AND SERIOUSLY?! FOR THE LOVE... WHY DID HE ASK ME TO STAY AND MEET HIS 4 KIDS THE FIRST TIME I MET HIM?! WHO DOES THIS? WHO INTRODUCES THEIR KIDS TO A PERFECT STRANGER!!!! WOW.... TAKES ALL KINDS I SUPPOSE...we start the movie and all of a sudden i find myself with a 3 year old with a snotty nose coughing in my face and grabbing my new earrings.... she is screaming at me at the top of her lungs saying..."daddy i wanna go home with her!" over and over. WHERE IS THAT BLACK HOLE WHEN YA NEED IT?! WHY CAN'T I FALL IN.... I MAY NEVER GET OUT OF HERE ALIVE! THIS IS WHEN I DECIDED TO TAKE OUT THE LIFE INSURANCE POLICY DISCUSSED IN THE EARLIER POST. again i'm hyperventilating.... we get through about half of the movie when he decides it is....afterall....getting to be bedtime for the kids. i graciously told him i understood and that i would go so that he could "handle" things. he walked me out to my car and apologized for "being less than truthful." he tells me how beautiful he thinks i am and he really is sorry that he didn't take me out and he really hopes we can go out again....AGAIN... WE DIDN'T GO OUT THE FIRST TIME! LIE LIE LIE! YOU ARE A LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE! LESS THAN TRUTHFUL!? LIES I TELL YOU! THEY WERE LIES! i tried to be understanding, but i would be lying if i said i didn't squal my tires when pulling out of the driveway....